Two Movies

Utena
So, I recently finished the TV Series Utena and watched the movie.

The TV series wasn't bad. Full of homosexual and incestuous relationships, and rather weird with the whole pulling swords out of each other. But the main characters weren't actually lesbians in it like I was led to believe, and it was definitely an interesting (though sometimes disturbing) watch.

The movie however... Ug.

The Utena movie was weird, to say the least. And I don't just mean weird, I mean WEIRD. It's sort of a retelling of the TV Series story or a continuation of the story, depending on how you look at it. They're in the same school, but it's the same in name only. The whole school is bizarre in that it's just a bunch of floating platforms. How or why they float is never explained. I'm under the opinion that the artists just thought it'd be cool to draw and went with it.

They kept the basic cast from the TV show, only they "spiced it up." Touga is there, only now he's apparently dead and Utena is actually in love with him instead of Akio. In fact, you find out that Akio is dead, too. They completely threw out Nanami, except for a cameo as a cow. Apparently they decided the movie didn't need her whining in it like the TV show had. Intead of our usual quiet and distant Anthy, we have a rather pushy go-getter, complete with a different character model. Her eyes are wider, her face is shaped slightly differently, and she even wears her hair down. Utena gets a few changes as well in the form of a different kind of boy's uniform and a real short boy's haircut. Except they couldn't seem to decide whether or not to keep the short hair because throughout the movie they keep switching back and forth to short and long.

One of the most noticeable things in the movie compared to the TV show is the explicit sexual tension between Anthy and Utena. While in the TV show all we had was a sometimes awkward friendship, in the movie here we have an obvious lesbian relationship.

Okay, I can forgive all of that. I mean, in a way it is a reimagining, even if it is a bad one. But the ending. The horrible, horrible ending. It's like the writers were all having a drug trip together when they came up with this. I think the conversation went something like this:

"Dude, like, wouldn't it be cool... if we turned Utena into a CAR? It would be like, so cool!"
"Hehehehe... a car... Utena..."
"And we'll make it PINK, like her hair."
"Yeah... and then... we'll make Anthy 'drive' her... hehehe... get it? 'Drive her'?"
"Hehehehe! Yeah, yeah! Then, we'll make them drive away, only Utena won't be the car anymore, but she still is, see? And then we'll make them both naked!"
"Naked? *giggle*"
"Yeah! Naked! And lying down, but the car's still going, because it's really Utena, but it's not. And then they drive away!"
"Dude... that sounds... amazing..."
"Yeah... like the castle..."
"*eyes widen* The Castle!!"
"Yeah, the castle's awesome."
"No, we should put the castle in there, too! Like, it's a car, too, like Utena."
"Oh man, you're like, so smart, dude!"
"Then we'll have the castle have like, a million wheels! Because it's huge, dude, it's a castle!"
"Yeah, and then the wheels try to crush them! And then they turn inside out! Like a tank!"
"Dude...."

And that's exactly what happens! A giant carwash suddenly appears and swallows Utena, turning her into a car, which Anthy drives away. Meanwhile, others are trying to stop them. Then, the castle appears, only it's a car, too! Wow! The wheels on this thing are huge, and the only way for them to get by it is to go underneath and through the castle. So Anthy makes the Utena car transform into another car, and off they go! Dodging giant tires inside/underneath the castle so they don't get crushed. Then, as they're coming out, they get caught between some treads. The Utena car is practically destroyed now, but apparently Utena is fine, as Anthy finally cries out something like "Give me the power!" and they rush forward without getting crushed. So then, we have the two of them on this bare-bones motorcycle, lying down, buck naked, driving away. So Utena's NOT the car anymore? But she was before, but now she's there on top of the car with Anthy? The heck?? And where are their nipples? They're both incredibly naked, but they have no nipples? I'm confused.

So, I guess you could say that I did NOT like the Utena movie at all. It was a trip.

Batman: Darknight
Matt and I finally watched this movie last night. I'm going to try to keep this part short.

I didn't like it. The guy playing batman was awful. He didn't look like Batman, and he did a god-awful imitation of his voice. Pull the yarn out of your throat, will you? Just make your voice a little deeper. How hard is that? The costuming for him was great, though.

Batman's car. It's like they took that tank-thing they use on the discovery channel to go through tornados with, and mixed it with a Hummer. I disliked Batman's original vehicle, but I dislike this one even more. It's hideous.

So-called-Joker. Look, he sucked, okay? It's not the actor's fault, it's the writers. Where were the jokes? And don't tell me the whole "pencil disappearing" trick, because that wasn't much of a joke. The closest thing to a joke we got in the whole movie was him changing his story everytime he told someone how he got his scars. Where were the real jokes? Where were the Joker's scare tactics? The one-liners?

For the pencil trick to be done "Joker Style" it should have gone something like this: "Want to see this pencil disappear?" He then does a minor magic trick, making it disappear up his sleeve. Everyone around, looking rather nervous, chuckles or just looks at Joker like he's lost his mind. "Don't worry now, I'll make it come back! Here, watch!" Joker then makes the pencil "reappear" by doing something horrible with it, like stabbing someone in the eye with it. He then laughs hysterically while everyone else looks on in horror, then makes some lame one-liner joke at the dead-guy's expense.

I didn't see anything like this in the movie. Joker sucked. He wasn't joker.

Two-face. Neat. Very neat. The only problem I had with this is that it was supposed to be a BURN wound. You realize what a burn wound looks like, right? Because it doesn't look anything like what his face looked like. Also, the eye? Come on, if something like that had happened, it would have screwed up his eye, too. Especially fire.

In summary, I didn't like this movie. It stank. Like an over-ripe Gotham City on trash day.